


The smile of a dying boy

by IKnowWhat_YouDid



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), Little Mix (Band), One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: Adventure, Anorexia, Anxiety, Anxiety Disorder, Baby Louis, Depressed Harry, Depressed Liam Payne, Depressed Niall, Depressed Zayn, Depression, Eating Disorders, F/M, Huntington's Disease, Larry Stylinson Is Real, Lies, Louis-centric, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Institutions, Multi, Non-Famous Harry, Non-Famous Liam, Non-Famous Louis, Non-Famous Niall, Non-Famous Zayn, Nouis, Past Abuse, Sad, Sad Harry, Self-Discovery, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Sick Louis, Tiny Louis, lilo, self-harming!harry, zianourry - Freeform, zouis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-28
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2018-12-20 23:26:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 11,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11931564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IKnowWhat_YouDid/pseuds/IKnowWhat_YouDid
Summary: ''You're awfully happy for someone who's gonna die.""You're awfully sad for someone's gonna live."Orfour depressed teen boys find themselves at a psychiatry ward with a hyperactive blue-eyed boy running out of time. Maybe it isn't so bad after all.©IKnowWhat_YouDid-Don't steal, be original.





	1. prologue

Depression is like drowning. Everyone sees you drowning, struggling to get air into your lungs yet they don't do anything about. All noises are muffled, all pictures are blurry and you're slowly getting tired. You don't want to keep on fighting, just to keep your head above the water.

That's what the boys felt.

At sixteen years of age, Harry Edward Styles was diagnosed with depression. His parent's first reaction was to get him therapy, but that didn't work. Harry had isolated himself from everyone, just laying on the bed and staring at the ceiling. He didn't find joy in baking anymore, quitting his job at the bakery down the street. His grades were fairly good but no had seen him talk to anyone in months at school.  His condition was deteriorating, and Anne Styles did not want to lose her youngest child.

Liam James Payne lacked a father figure in his life, surrounded by his mum and three older sisters, he felt like he didn't fit in. School wasn't much better, for some reason children just didn't like him. He wasn't being bullied per se yet every morning was a struggle to get out of bed. He wouldn't have even known he was depressed if it wasn't for his history teacher with an observant eye and a depressed nephew, who expressed her concern to Liam's mothers.

Zayn did a pretty good job at hiding his depression. In fact, he had nearly killed himself but was saved in time by his father who had forgotten a file at home. It was a horrid sight, finding your usually happy and excited son in the bathtub with blood streaming out of his wrists, pale and nearly dead. Zayn's reason had to be the bullies. Referred to as the 'terrorist', Zayn did get a lot of shit about his heritage and origin.

Niall just woke up sad one day and never got over it. He just lost interest in all the activities he once adored. Golf was boring now and he couldn't bare to look at food. Unlike the rest of the boys, Niall was one who sought help. Asking his therapist brother, who immediately diagnosed him with depression.

Louis Tomlinson wasn't depressed. Quite the contrary, he was joyful. In his situation, most would have been sad or at least cried a lot but he just stayed in bed for one day before carrying on as though nothing happened. Louis was going to die in a few months, diagnosed with Huntington's. Yet, he was the happiest sixteen-year-old in the ward.

This is the story how four depressed and anxious sixteen-year-old boys found themselves on an adventure of a life time with an energetic blue-eyes boy running out of time.


	2. chapter 1

**Third person P.O.V**

The institution was not large yet enough to hold fifty people. It was divided into two sections. One for patients with mental issues and others with terminal illnesses. A majority fell into both categories.

Nervous green eyes looked around in the room, depressed and suicidal people trying to chat with one another while teens with cancer or in recovery sat around in groups talking. His mother squeezed his hand as he forced a smile to her. Harry wouldn't be seeing her for at least a month and honestly, he'd miss her.

A blonde nurse asked all the new patients to gather around the large bush in front of the main office. Next, to him, a sandy-haired boy stood there smiling. He had blue eyes like the ocean and reminded Harry of the ocean. He wanted to know the beautiful boy's name.

"Well, Hello everyone! I'm Carmen and this is Louis." The blonde nurse pointed at the petit boy.  _ _Louis.__ It was a beautiful name, suitable for the beautiful boy.

"Hi!" His voice was soft and high pitched almost like a girl, smile as bright as the sun. Hands behind his back and bouncing on heels, Harry was already gone for him.

Someone from behind tugged at his sleeve. It was his turn to introduce himself.

"Oops, umm, hey, I'm Harry and I'm sixteen. Umm.. I'm a baker."

Great, not even an hour into the program and he had embarrassed himself already. But at least he made the sunshine boy laugh.

"Great intro bro" A voice behind him whispered to him. It was laced with sarcasm and clearly a joke. Turning his head, it was probably the boy who tugged his sleeve. Green eyes met Amber eyes. The boy had his black hair up in a quiff and a playful smile visible.

"I'm Zayn, I think you zoned out during my intro. I'm sixteen too and I can't cook." Harry smiled back at the boy, before turning his head to listen to another boy. This one too had soft brown eyes and hair was a mess. His name was probably Liam, Harry heard correctly.

"And, umm, I like to sing sometimes too. Though I don't sound that good." he made a self-depreciating joke to get everyone to laugh, though that clearly didn't work since people just gave him pity-filled smiles. The nurse, Carmen, just told him to believe in himself while Louis patted his head. Harry felt just a little jealous.

The last boy in the group of the ten stepped forward before he started speaking.

"Hey, I'm Niall and I like to eat. I'm from Ireland so umm, I'm Irish. My favorite hobby is golf."

"Okay, that's great! Now that everyone knows a little about everyone, let's get you lot settled in, ya?" Cady asked the ones with white wristbands to follow her and the black ones followed Louis. Harry, Liam, Zayn and Niall quickly walked up to Louis.

"Hi, boys! I'm gonna take you around the block. The others like to call it campus, cause it's kind of like a boarding school. Also, we're gonna share a room since I am the only one whose room has enough area to accommodate people." Louis' enthusiasm made up for their shy and awkwardness.

The boys like him.

Their room was pretty big, and gorgeous. It had two bunk beds on the back corners, a single bed between the bunk beds. Still, there was enough space for them to walk around. Two small desks were stuck to the right wall and a bathroom connected to the left wall. Cupboards with clothes were in the washrooms and book shelves were connected to the wall. All the sheets were pastel colored and everything the room looked so delicate. Just like Louis.

"So, you guys like it?" Louis' soft voice brought everyone out of their awed state. "I decorated it myself since you all joined late. My aunt decorated houses for a living so I know a bit about how to work colors. You can choose any bed you want except the top bunk towards the right. It's mine!" Louis giggled as though it was the funniest joke on earth and the boys couldn't help but smile. Harry got the bunk right below Louis' bunk, Niall on the single bed and Liam on the top left with on the bottom bed.

As everyone cuddled in for an afternoon nap, Louis took a picture on his camera. He liked to take photos, looking back at them, recalling the memories attached.

After all, he didn't have much time at the end of the day.


	3. chapter 2

The sun shone brightly as Louis danced around the room, waking everybody up.

That boy was something different. Extremely energetic and joyful, unlike the rest of them. It had been two days since their enrollment and today they started the lessons. One week to get settled in and get to know each other. 

It was kind of hard to get started. The four of them didn't want to talk, too scared to start a conversation or just tired. But Louis' constant chatter made up for the lack of communication. They knew a few things about each other, why they were sent here, where they lived, ages and complete names.    
  


"Louis, I beg of you. Please stop the noise."  
"aww, Zaynie, wake up! It's a new day and also the first day of classes! You're gonna be late if you don't wake up"

 

"five minutes" Niall grumbled from the top bunk. Harry had already gotten up and was watching the older boy go about with his tactics while Liam took a bath. 

 

Louis plopped next to Zayn as he tickled his sides. Zayn woke up laughing while trying to kick Louis off the bed. Louis' hands rubbed against his chest and jaw, not stopping until Zayn finally gave up. Slowly getting up and glaring at Louis. It was safe to say, Louis had his ways. 

It took them half an hour to get ready and reach the main room. The main room was a huge room, at the heart of the building where all the patients met before going off to their respective lessons/sessions. It was like a common room, with big and soft chairs. A cozy sofa by the fireplace and millions of books lining the shelves on the walls.  The walls were pastel blue and the carpet was midnight blue. Overall the place was gorgeous. The whole institution had four common rooms in total, each color-coded.  

A door connected all the common rooms to the cafeteria. Hundreds of tables and benches covered the area as most of them were occupied by mostly teens and some tweens. It was just like a school, just the lessons were different and people in here were mostly dying or mental illnesses plagued their minds. 

The whole area was quite confusing to Harry, the whole area was not what he expected from an institution. In movies, they were dark and gray places with sulky people and lots of tears. But Louis was literally a ball of sunshine and most looked happy. Yet again, this was one of the best places for healing in the whole of America.  As they got a seat in the middle of the room, Harry, Louis, and Liam went to get their meals. Harry and Liam both took two trays for themselves and the other guys while Louis brought his own meal from a different counter. 

Louis' tray had a bunch of fruits, a Nutella sandwich, orange juice and some pills. The others had the similar things but smaller quantities. Louis' food seemed a bit too much.

"It's hard to maintain body weight for patients with Huntington's."

Louis seemed to have answered the questions present on everyone's face. 

"And these pills are Tetrabenazine, they control involuntary movements." Louis knew the question which was coming, people always asked him what they were.

They silence at the table thickened and Louis didn't like it. He knew everyone at the table was pitying him and he hated it with a burning passion. He didn't need people showing sympathy and reminding him he was going to die, every day. No thank you very much. 

"So um, you wanna play twenty questions? C'mon guys, don't be so grumpy early in the morning."

"How are you even happy so early in the morning?  Usually, I don't leave the bed until noon, only to use the washroom, then go back to sleep." Zayn interjected. 

This only earned him a pair of rolling eyes and an excited Louis turning to Harry asking him the first question. Of course, Harry answered, he could never deny the shining blue eyes. it would be too heartbreaking to see the spark gone.  And also the question was about Dusty, Harry's cat. It was Harry's turn to ask and he asked Zayn, which he grudgingly answered. Liam just listened quietly and got really nervous if any questions were directed at him. Niall just giggled. They were such different personalities yet they all fit in like pieces of a puzzle.  

It was Niall's turn to ask Louis a question, "Why are you here? Shouldn't you be in a hospital? I mean, Huntington's isn't really a mental disease."

Louis sighed softly, he knew this question was coming. It was inevitable, people would ask him about his condition.   

"Huntington's has many psychologically effects like depression and insomnia. There's no treatment to reverse or stop the progression. So I'm kind of under observation."

The rest of breakfast went about as normal, everyone acting casual and not mentioning it again. But the chatter at the table had visibly decreased. Soon the shrill bell rang through the room, setting everyone for different classes.


	4. chapter 3

"And I hope to see the Eiffel Tower once, take those cliché pictures of holding the tip, maybe take a loved one with me."  
"That's great Seth, sit down. Now who wants to go next? Harry? Maybe you?"  
The group session had been going for an hour now and all Harry wanted it was to end. None of the boys were in this one, so Harry had no one to talk to. Usually, they picked a topic and shared their opinions about it. Today was about future plans and hopes. And Harry hated it.  
He didn't want to know what Jonny wanted to do on his 50th birthday or why Stacy wanted to get married while skydiving. Also the counsellor was always over-excited, directing questions constantly at Harry. She never got the hint that Harry hated public speaking.  
Before he could answer the question, a soft bell rang through the room, signalled the end of the class.  
He rushed out as fast as he could, into the main hallway where many other kids rushed by, everybody rushing to their next 'lesson' or dorm room.   
Harry felt he stood out like a sore thumb with his abnormal height or lanky figure, looking like slender man roaming through the halls. And Harry hated that, he just hated attention in general. But sometimes, it worked to his advantage. Like this time.   
Between the crowd, he spotted fluffy caramel hair, squeezed between two other kids. Reaching to pat the boy's head, a pair of surprised blue-eyes looked at him before grabbing a hold of Harry's hand and pulling him towards him.  
Louis tripped over someone's foot, crashing into Harry's chest.   
"Oops, shit sorry."  
Harry chuckled softly at that, "hi lou."  
The crowd dragged them along halfway through the corridor before their was enough space for them to escape to a empty classroom.   
Louis made his over to a table, before sitting down. He sighed in relief, "so, what's up Curly? Didn't think to see you here."  
That was true, normally the group sessions were in the west tower while therapy sessions were in the east towards.  But Harry's class had moved towers due to renovations in their older room.   
"Our class moved here, I told you in the morning."  
"Oh, I guess I forgot. Anyways, what do you have now?"  
"Um, library I think."   
Louis grabbed Harry's arm, pulling him to a now empty corridor, "come with me, you wanna see something special? Eh?"  
"Sure, but-wait, what about this class."  
"Library is like a free period, no one really cares if you show up. It's like a relaxing class."  
"Oh."  
Louis pulled Harry through multiple corridors, passing some students who waved at Louis or slapped him on the back. Harry guessed Louis was well-liked.   
"Come on curly, through this." Louis pointed at a small tunnel behind a huge truck surrounded by moss. Harry had no idea where he was, this part of the institution was isolated, it scared Harry.  
"Go on, nothing will happen."  
Hesitantly, Harry climbed through the small tunnel, he trusted Louis. Louis wasn't a bad person, right?  
Squeezing in the tunnel, Harry realised it smelled like rotten eggs and the moss covered his hand, making Harry sick to his stomach. He wanted to puke and burst out crying at the same time, but sucking it up, he squeezed till the end.  
Just as he reached an opening to what seemed like a old storage room, Harry heard a banging behind him as though someone closed the tunnel.   
Panic surged through Harry, as his knees gave out and crouched on the ground, thoughts raced his mind.  
Louis had locked him here where no one would ever find him, leaving him here to die. Louis must have hated Harry to do this, how foolish had he been to think Louis actually might have liked him. He should just die, no cares about him. They'd never find his body here.   
Sobs wrecked through his body as the reality of him dying here became more real.   
A small hand wrapping itself around his shoulder bought him some comfort.  
"Shh, shh, it's okay, you're okay, I've got you, sh,sh. Are you hurt? Where does it hurt, Hazzy? Do you want me to take you back?"  
Soft whispers from the smaller lad proved Harry's worries wrong. Louis hadn't left him, he was right here, with Harry.  
"I-I thought you left me here to die. And-And I was s-o scared. I just-I just" soft sobs cut him off, as Louis climbed into his lap, resting his head on Harry's shoulder, rubbing Harry's back. Harry held on to Louis tightly, letting his heart calm down.   
"I umm I heard a noise, and I thought you locked me in. I um just got so scared."  
Louis softly kissed Harry's hair, like a Mother would to calm down her child. He didn't make fun of Harry for being so anxious and paranoid. Could Harry fall deeper for this boy?

"Oh Harry, i would never lock you in. I just kind of slipped in the tunnel but caught myself before falling outside, you know I'm not so great on my limbs. Now calm down, honey. I've got you."  
Harry sighed in relief before beginning to worry again, "wait, are you okay? Did you get hurt? Jeez, I'm so dumb."  
Louis chuckled softly," I'm fine lad. Now that you've calmed down. I wanna show you something. Come. Oh and before I forget, have these."   
Louis handed Harry some pills before explaining they were alprazolam to help Harry to calm down. Harry quickly gulped them dry, before trailing after Louis.  
Louis lead him to a small entrance, outside the stinking storage room. The other room smelled much better, like roses. And looked more alive too. The walls were covered with old wallpaper, flowers and vines growing out of cracks. Old radios and tape players sat on a table at the far right corner. A music player played some soft tune, a old window overlooking a beautiful pond and forest. The room was mostly empty except pictures and books scattered around the room, as two sofa chairs sat by the fire place. The room was mesmerising.   
Louis turned to look at Harry, before wiping away the now dry tears and wrapping his arms around him.  
"Welcome to my paradise."


	5. chapter 4

**third person P.O.V**

Harry watched Louis with a glimmer in his eyes, the way his hips moved to the beat and his body twirled around. A smile remained on his lips and his eyes remained closed.   
Harry and Louis had been in the hideout for about an hour now and he watched Louis dance to the music playing in the background. He wished he could be like Louis.

Louis had found this area in his first year, it became his hideout. On the days the treatments didn't work, his medicines failed him or he just felt plain sad, he would be here. Read a book, listen to music or dance, draw a picture or write a story. Anything his heart desired. This was his happy place.  
And he took Harry there in hopes that Harry would feel as happy as he does there. And Harry did. Or maybe he felt happier because Louis was there with him. Either ways, he felt happy after so long.

Louis plopped on the ground, exhausted and tired, still giggling.   
"why don't you dance?"   
Harry was taken by surprise,"me? I can't dance, lou."  
"C'mon, you're never going to know until you try"  
Harry shook his head, sitting adamantly. Louis just shrugged his shoulders, carrying on spinning around the room, giddy and giggling.

"What time is it?" Harry eventually asked, at that Louis' eyes widen, he stopped fiddling with the music box, before he grabbed Harry and began running to the exit.   
"If we rush, we can still make it to the last five minutes of lunch."

They reached the lunch hall just in time for the last bell to ring, thankfully he missed no classes since lunch was right after library. Nothing was worse than getting in trouble in the first week of school at least for Harry.  
The rest of the day went by in a daze, nothing seem to get Harry's attention after the little adventure with Louis. He didn't see Louis for the rest of the day as much as he tried,  someone from his physical education group informed him later that the Huntington's group had therapy treatment today. Which meant he sat in a sofa with a needle in his arm, for hours, hoping it would work.   
For his last lesson, Harry had art with Zayn. It was a simple assignment, they had to draw something which made them happy. They were given about a month to finish the task. Zayn began drawing immediately, drawing a small house by the hills.  
Harry however didn't have the slightest idea, many things made him happy but none of them lasted. Eventually everything which made him happy, would make him cry. Therefore, he had concluded nothing would ever make him happy and always end up giving him pain. He was in his own mind forever doomed with sadness.   
Maybe he could draw his family, but they gave up on him, sending him away. He could try his old friends but he was sure they hated him. The only one who made him feel wanted and happy right now was Louis, but Louis was going to leave him someday. He had only known him for three days, he was going to get bored with Harry eventually. But for now, Harry began with Louis's blue eyes.

Everyone had different night routines, before bed, depending on which group you were. Even though the physically ill and mentally ill shared the same dorms, most of the time they were in groups. The depressed kids had confessions sessions to let out any compressed feelings, anxiety kids had  mediating sessions, cancer kids had a free lesson where they'd catch up with each other or do assignments and JHD kids had a tapping exercise. They'd tap their fingers in a continuous rhythm from the thumb to the pinky constantly to record their average  reaction time. This was to see if the treatment they were given was the working.   
Out of the glass window, Harry could see Louis idly tapping away while listening to the the doctor sitting in front of him. Whatever he told Louis seemed to have lifted his mood, making his smile shine brighter and eyes gleam. And Harry felt a slight pang of jealousy in his chest.

Harry just spent the rest of the half an hour just listening to the conversation in his group.  
Back in their dorm, Zayn sat his bed reading a book. Niall and Louis played cards and Liam laid on his bed, just looking at the other lads.  
Harry sat in the  empty space next to Louis, leaning onto him.   
"Aww, Hazza are you tired?"  
"No, loulou."  
"Are you sure? Your eyes are drooping."  
"I'm fine lou, now you don't wanna lose to Niall do you?"  
"But-"  
"Can you guys stop being so lovey-dovey? I'm trying to think which card I should play, so you know Louis can taste defeat."  
"Puh- lease Nialler. You're never gonna defeat me."  
"Challenge accepted."   
"You guys are little kids." Zayn piped in.  
Louis just stuck his tongue out in response.   
The door suddenly opened, giving nearly everybody a heart Attack. A red haired nurse stood at the door, hands on her hips.

"Lights out was eight minutes ago, you all better go to bed. Got it?"


	6. chapter 5

**Third person P.O.V**

There's a weight on his chest, then something is shining in his eye. Soft whispers yelling his name as something shakes him.

"Harry? Harrrrrrryyy? Harold? Curly! Don't tell me you're asleep already. It's only ten o'clock!" 

Harry opened eyes to see Louis sitting on Harry with legs on either side, holding a flash light in his eyes. He pushes Louis away before turning to his side, making Louis nearly fall off. 

 

"No Louis, I was pretending to be dead," He rolls his eyes before continuing, "go away, lemme sleep."   
"But it's Harold! Even the sun is still going down! C'mon, you party pooper!" Louis whispered to the already asleep boy in a desperate tone.

Louis gets up begrudgingly when Harry doesn't budge, turning his flashlight towards Zayn, the only one who he managed to wake up. After the nurse had left, everyone faked sleep to avoid suspicion. Unfortunately, only Louis and Zayn managed to stay awake. 

Some nights, Louis would curl up in his bed and not talk to anyone, just think about better his life could be and then cry himself to sleep. Other nights he was too tired physically and emotionally exhausted to do anything, too tired to even sleep. But tonight was different, he felt energetic and he wasn't going to waste it, even if it meant he had to do it alone. 

Luckily, Zayn was staring at him wide-eyed and amused, which meant he was nowhere near sleeping.

"I guess it's you and me, Zaynie." Finally giving up, Louis made his way to Zayn's bed. Zayn scooted away to make way for the feathery-haired lad. 

Zayn just looked down at his hands before speaking, "You know, you don't need to do anything with me. I'll just read a book or something. You can have fun."

Louis was taken back, he looked at Zayn before speaking," Why won't I want to do anything with you? You're so funny and so cool! Easy to talk to, too."  Zayn looked at Louis, "I just saw your face fall when no one else woke up and I guessed you didn't want to be alone with me. I mean- you don't  _have_ to do it. Most kids back in school didn't like being alone with me either." 

"What! That's- that's not true! Zayn, I'm not upset that I'm alone with you! Oh my god- no. I just- usually at night, I'm just really tired but I don't know- today, I feel so alive! I just- I just wanted to do something with you guys. So I was a bit upset when none of them woke up. Don't you ever think anyone won't want to spend time with you, you're so chill and funny and sarcastic! And the kids in your school are dickheads, don't listen to them. They have no idea what they're missing out on."

Zayn finally brought himself to look at Louis, face scrunched up in confusion and blue eyes gleaming with a certain sadness. "People don't like me because I have a different religion, they think I'll blow up the whole school. And I'm so dark compared to all my classmates. I don't know- I just never fit in."  Louis placed his small hand on Zayn's, giving it a small squeeze before speaking, "Stupid racists, don't listen to them. Idiots and morons can say what they want to and have you ever looked in a mirror? I look like a potato compared to you, your tan skin makes you so different, so pretty! Why would you want to fit in when you ever born to stand out!" 

Zayn looked at Louis, taken by his kind words, "Yes, Zayn I just quoted Tumblr cause I'm not that creative, but that's irrelevant! Don't let their words bring you down, you're so much better than that! And hey- hey, don't cry. We can do something fun with just two of us!"

Zayn hadn't even noticed tears racing down until Louis' soft hands wiped them away, he didn't know why had he just confessed his feeling to Louis but it felt good. To have someone listen to you and make you feel better, he should have confessed before. Louis just hugged and maybe Zayn didn't feel so unwanted anymore. He didn't even know Louis for more than two weeks yet he felt so close to the smaller boy, so safe when he had him in his arms. 

Maybe they didn't do anything special or they didn't sneak outside, run under the night. Maybe they just talked about their lives, problems, and hopes. And yes, it wasn't what Louis had in his mind but just laughing with Zayn was better than anything they could have done.


	7. chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone, thank you so much for reading.

"Zaynie?"

"yes, boo?"

"Let's do something!" Louis got up from Zayn's lap, looking at him with sheer excitement. His eyes gleamed under the moonlight. His eyes crinkled as his slightly crooked teeth were on display. With his oversized, grey hoodie, Zayn felt he looked a small kitten. His hair was everywhere and honestly, he would do anything to keep that smile.

"Whatchu wanna do then?"

"Umm... I know! Come with me!"

"What? Where do you wanna go?" Louis grabbed Zayn's hands, in his small one. He tried pulling him up and slowly sneaked him out the door. The door creaked slightly, thankfully not waking anyone up.   
It was pitch dark yet Louis knew the place like the back of his hand. Months of sneaking out, he knew which way to go, following the texture of the walls until he reached where he wanted.

Unfortunately, for Zayn, this was the first time sneaking out. So it was quite expected of him to panic and worry. 

"Chill, Zaynie, I'm not kidnapping you. And don't worry, we won't get lost or caught. I know this place."  
"But, Louis, where are you taking me? I deserve to know!" Zayn whisper yelled as he gripped on Louis' sweater clad hand as tight as he could. Louis giggled at his worry, squeezing back in a reassuring manner.

For what seemed like an eternity to Zayn but was five minutes, a light finally came into their vision. Zayn covered his eyes with one hand, as the other one maintained a death grip on Louis.

He opened his eyes again, growing accustomed to the light. Under the moonlight, he could see an open field ending in a sharp cliff, slightly wet due to the slight drizzle which took place a while back. Zayn could smell something sweet and slightly minty, a refreshing aftertaste. A beautiful flower bed lay by the edge of the cliff. Zayn could make out the bright red roses and pearly white flowers. As to top it all off, the moon seemed to face them, big and glowing. Zayn felt a pang of an emotion he couldn't describe, it was cold yet fuzzy (if that was even possible) almost wanting to make him scream. But in a good way.

"Hey Zayn? You okay?"

Louis waved his hand in Zayn's face, smiling when Zayn smiled at him. This place was gorgeous, as though it was right out of Tumblr. If Zayn could, he would build a house here and just there with the rest of the boys.

"It's... beautiful," Zayn said.

Louis was beaming, " I come here sometimes when I can't sleep. Discovered this on my first month here, nearly got caught too." Louis giggled fondly at the memory before taking a hold of Zayn's hand and sitting down near the cliff. Their feet dangled off the edge as they sat surrounded by sugary-sweet flowers. The grass was wet, not completely drenched or soaked but just enough to keep the atmosphere cool. The moon was a beauty, contrasting perfectly against the sapphire night sky.

"I love coming here, just to get away sometimes. When my thoughts are just... I dunno; not so nice?"  
Zayn listened quietly, interested in what Louis had to say.  
"When I was diagnosed with Huntington's, I was actually quite emotionless. I just had this weird feeling in my chest like water was filling my lungs up and I just wanted to stay in bed. The comfort of my blankets and pillows helped ignore the reality for a while, ya know? Then one day, me mum, she just came barging into my room and told me to get up. I was confused, like what happened and she just told me to stop wasting my life and go live it. Then she sent me here, I grew depressed. Homesickness and my 'problem' made it worse. So I began exploring, around the campus to waste time. I found this place, the moon is always visible from here. So every time I feel sad or lonely or just miss my mummy, I come here. After it's the same moon I'm looking at." Louis kept looking at the moon, a blissed feeling present on his face.  
"Now, Zaynie, I didn't tell you all this to get sympathy, instead I want to share this place with you. Every time, you feel sad or out of place or worthless, come here please. Instead of beating yourself up and harming yourself, come here and fall in love with the moon. The same moon Romeo and Juliet looked at, the moon Albert Einstein and Thomas Edison looked at, the moon people fell in love under. The ones who fought the great wars under this very same moon and promise me, to feel at a little happy to be alive."

And Louis said it with so much emotion, that Zayn swore to himself that he would try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone, thank you so much for reading. This is a new story, which will hopefully be more fluffy.   
> Please don't forget to leave kudos and comments.   
> All the love, xx


	8. chapter 7

Third Person POV

Zayn got up to someone calling his name and pulling him up.

He slowly got up, his eyes taking in his surroundings. Louis was bent in front of him, pulling his hand and looking around frantically.

"Zaynie! Wake up! Oh god, Zayn! C'mon."

The sun was just coming up, small rays of the sun peeking through the clouds. It was a beautiful sight, the sky looking like a painting made by Picasso. Zayn would have loved to paint it someday but right now Louis was dragging him up.

''Wassup up Louis? What happened?"

"We have to go! We were supposed to go back yesterday night but I guess we fell asleep, but that's beside the point. If the nurses catch outside Zayn then we're dead meat! They usually get up at the crack of dawn and come here to do some yoga then start their day. C'mon, if you don't want to be punished then c'mon!"

With a swift push, Zayn lifted himself from the ground, louis' grip on him still tight. Together, hand in hand, they rushed through the empty corridor. Both managed to avoid suspicion as they raced at the way back to their room. 

 

Just as they burst through the door, giggles escaped their bodies. Usually, Louis would be exhausted but the adrenaline ran through every vein in his body, making him feel rather refreshed. As they both the gasped for breath all while laughing, they quietly shut the door.  
Liam who sat up on his bed, with Harry standing next to his bed. Both looked at the gasping boys in a judging manner. Niall was still laying on his bed, eyes half open.

"Where were you, boys?" Harry's voice sounded angry, confused and the tiniest bit hurt. Almost as though someone had abandoned him. Louis' laugh ceased when he noticed the worried look on Liam and Harry's face. Niall just looked sleepy. 

"Sorry if we scared you. Me and Zayn kind of sneaked out and fell asleep outside." Louis said sheepishly as Zayn scratched his neck. Both trying desperately not to laugh, cause it was just so funny.

But their joy soon faded as Liam looked at them disappointed. Harry just turned away, feeling betrayed and Niall snored slightly. 

Zayn rubbed his neck quietly, before sliding into bed, getting whatever sleep he could. Liam shook his head like an upset older brother before going back to bed himself.   
Harry spared him a glance before he, too, got into bed. Sleeping was a great way to avoid problems, unfortunately, it wasn't a very healthy way.

"Harry, Liam, I-"  
"Save it, Lou."  
"Yeah, we'll take about later, good night Louis."

Louis sighed slightly, he really didn't expect Liam and Harry to be so... upset? Liam seemed more concerned and a bit of disappointed, which was kind of expected but he didn't understand why Harry would be so bothered. He was the one who originally turned Louis down. Louis needed to talk to him about why he was acting so betrayed and hurt. It wasn't really that big of a deal, at least to him.

As Louis got into his bed too, he let the comforter envelop him as the sounds of everyone else's soft breaths lulled him to sleep.

The sharp pounding in Harry's head woke him up the next morning, the voice of the nurses from the corridor could be heard. He rubbed his eyes as memories of the last night flooded in his mind. He didn't even know why he was so upset, but a sinking feeling in his stomach made him feel so betrayed even though Louis had done nothing. He had outright denied Louis yet this boy wasn't the tiniest bit upset with him so Harry had no right to feel so sad. Louis had gone with Zayn, Louis didn't belong to Harry, at least not yet.

 

Harry slowly got up, Louis still asleep in the top bunk. Niall lay on his stomach, snoring loudly. Zayn cuddled further into the sheets as Liam stirred slightly, still not completely awake. The curtains were open slightly, rays of sunlight peaking in slightly.  
The clock on the desk flashed 09:34 am, the nurses were waking everyone up, telling them to get ready so they could be off for breakfast by 10:00 and then start classes by 11:00. They started 'classes' late since the kids with terminal conditions like cancer would usually be too tired if they started early. Also, research showed that the teenage brain began to wake up at later hours. 

The soft knock on the door caused Harry to jump in his skin, even though he was well-aware of them coming to wake the boys up. Harry answered the door, the nurse smiled at him before telling him to wake the other boys up and come down to the hall for breakfast. He obliged without a sound.   
Harry first woke Liam up, which was quite easy considering he was only half-asleep. Liam woke Niall up and Zayn woke up due to the slight commotion.   
"We're gonna go wash our faces, wake Lou up and meet us in the hall, yeah?"  
"Yeah, that sounds fine, I'm sure Harry has no problem now c'mon Zayn and Lima, I'm hungry!" Niall rushed out of the room, dragging Zayn with him. Liam looked at Harry for a second before leaving the room. He wanted the lot to make up, if they were going to share this room for a year, he would rather have them not fighting, thank you very much. Before Harry could protest, the boys were gone, with Zayn still half-asleep. 

Louis remained dead to the world, unaware of anything. He looked awfully smol in the blankets. And Harry just wanted to take him in his arms. No, don't think like that...he's not yours.  
Harry' subconsciousness scolded him as he made his way to Louis' upper bunk. Reaching a long arm out, he slightly shook Louis' hip, small whimpers falling out of Louis' mouth. When he finally opened his, green met blue and fireworks erupted in Harry's stomach. It was the nervous feeling which wanted to make you rip your hair out and dance at the same time. The feeling one got before a big race or before getting an important grade. 

Louis reached out for Harry, he was always clingy when he got up. Harry took Louis into his arms, happily (completely forgetting about his anger from the previous night's antics). It wasn't hard since Harry had won the gene lottery giving him a naturally well-built body and Louis wasn't really heavy. Huntington's made it extremely difficult for the patient to maintain a decent body weight. 

Louis dug his head into Harry's chest as Harry felt all his feelings of the previous night wash away. He felt at peace with Louis so close to him. Louis visibly relaxed too, seeing Harry so calm soothed him. 

Louis in Harry's arms as Harry held him close, it all felt right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, everybody! hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Please note that I'm not a doctor and all the medical facts are from the internet. also, this is not edited as it is pretty late, thank you for reading this! i really really really appreciate it.   
> please leave comments and kudos, it really encourages me to write.


	9. Chapter 8

**Third** **person POV**

Harry would have loved to stay with Louis in his arms forever, but unfortunately, breakfast was waiting for them.

Louis got up slowly, giving a peck on Harry's right cheek, his sock-clad feet hitting the ground softly. He stretched slightly, yawning and looking too much like a kitten. His school jumper was too big on him, almost reaching to his thighs. He walked over to the vanity mirror, combing his soft, feathery hair and adjusting his sweater. Harry managed to walk next to Louis, smiling at the mirror. Which in turn made Louis giggle, butterflies exploding in Harry's stomach.

Harry ran a hand through his wild curls, attempting to tame them while Louis brushed his teeth. Both of them made themselves a bit more presentable even though they had to be two of the prettiest boys in the institution. Harry took Louis' small hand in his, changing the date calendar

28th September

Louis and Harry were both beaming, happily walking to the dining room. Both the boys seemed to have forgotten last night's occurrences. They talked animatedly through the empty hallways, most kids already at the dining room and the rest still in their dorm rooms, getting ready.

Niall munched on his toasted bread while Liam aimed a grape at Zayn, who cleverly dodged it. Chatter filled the room, everyone was relaxed and still waking up. The teachers, who dined at the very edged of the long room, laughed and had enthusiastic conversations with each other. It was ironic, so many people had such lively conservations even though most here were either going to die or dead inside. Yet, they had more life than the people outside. Their breakfast consisted of bread, butter, and fruits while JHD patients had a much larger meal. Louis and Harry entered the hall, still holding hands. Nobody seemed to notice them as children did sometimes walk in late.

Harry and Louis both took a seat next to each other, opposite Liam and Niall. Zayn sat on Louis' left, placing a palm on his thigh. This annoyed Harry the slightest bit, trying to ignore it and choosing to instead glare at Zayn whenever Louis wasn't looking. Liam and Zayn were busying in a conservation about the red ranger, Niall and Louis were lost chatting about their class together, art & design while Harry just creepily stared at Louis, biting his lower lip.

The sharp ringing of the bell indicated the first class was going to start and it was time to leave the dining hall. Taking a final bite of his jam and bread, finally finishing it, Louis got up hurriedly.

"C'mon, Nialler! The art room is gorgeous! And it's decorated with paintings done by old students so it's really really pretty!"

The boys couldn't help but laugh, sometimes Louis really resembled a toddler. Hary and Zayn both got up at the same, Niall and Liam following soon after. Niall brushed off crumbs from his jumper and Liam stretched slightly. 

"Well, I guess, I'll see you boys in lunch?" With that Liam was gone, he had English literature. Zayn bid a farewell before trailing behind Liam, heading to his maths class. Harry hugged Louis for one last time, before leaving for history.  While Louis and Niall headed to the opposite wings as the arts and physical education department was quite isolated from the other three wings. 

Louis stopped by his locker collecting his art supplies, some pencils, an artbook and some oil pastels. Niall just carried a pencil and a pen along with his artbook, knowing supplies would be provided either in the art room or he'd find someone nice enough to share with him. 

"So, then I walked in the room and guess what I see?"

  
"What, Nialler?"

  
"No, you have to guess!"

  
"Whaaa? You're ridiculous."

Both the boys enter the room, bantering and giggling. They take their seats by the window yet in front of the class. Both of them opened their artbooks, opening to a fresh page as the teacher entered the room. She smiled at the class before picking up a marker and writing the topic on the whiteboard. 

Abstract Art

She writes down emotions and colors under it.

"Hello everyone! Today, we'll start a new art project! Abstract art, which as the name suggests is abstract. This will be counted in the final grade and also needs to be submitted by next week. It shouldn't take you guys longer than a week!"

Louis turned to look at Niall, who looked incredibly confused. Before Louis could explain anything, the teacher; Ms.Luden, turned her back to the class and began writing down something on the board. 

"This project is extremely crucial for your final grade. It is a simple project, if I’m being honest. Just draw whatever you feel like on the piece of paper but make you feel it. True art is what comes from the heart.”

She smiled at the class, “this project is due on Friday, next week. So you lot have a whole week to think and do this! You can use which every material your hearts desire but please, as always, no plagiarising! Original work only, please.”   
With that, she sat down on her desk, turning her attention on the computer screen in front of her.  
Louis picked up a pencil and began drawing a vague shape on his sketchbook. Niall, however, was utterly confused. Back at his old school, the teachers always gave very strict rules and instructions. Things weren’t so...open like it was here.   
“Umm, Lou? What do we do? I mean- I don’t really understand this?”  
Louis set his pencil aside, turning to look at niall who had only doodled a heart on the margins of his sketchbook.  
“Just draw what you feel right now. Draw your feeling, Niall. Draw your soul”  
“Easier said than done”  
“Come with me.”

And with that, Louis was collected his art supplies and signalled Niall to follow him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Thanks for reading! It’s been a while but I had my exams going on so now updates will be much more frequent! Sorry for any grammatical errors, it’s quite late at night, but thanks for reading.  
> All the love xx


	10. chapter 9

Third person pov

Louis walked up to the teacher/ nurse's desk, smiling at her. She looked up at him, immediately knowing what he wanted. She narrowed her eyes, almost trying to decipher his thoughts by staring into his soul. Meanwhile, Niall stood in the back, extremely confused. Although he had known Louis for about two weeks, he had enough experience to know what Louis was doing was probably crazy which in no way would be allowed, but then again it was Louis. 

"C'mon, Ms.Chamille. Niall, over here, needs inspiration and I know exactly what will help him. Please?"  
"Louis, you know very well teachers aren't allowed to let students outside of classrooms during sessions unless it's a real emergency."  
"It is an emergency! Creativity feeds the soul, it's what grows the flowers in your lungs and holds the universe in your mind; without it, a man is nothing but a dead garden, void and useless."  
"..."  
"Please, Ms.Chamille. I promise I'll be back before the lesson ends! Plus, you know exactly where I'm gonna take him. You can always track me down, can't you?"

She looked at Louis for a while, pretending to think about it. Before nodding her head and going back to her own work.

Louis' grin stretched to each corner of his mouth before grabbing Niall by the wrist and leading him outside the class.

Niall had to admit, Louis had everyone here wrapped around his little finger. There was something about, maybe his small stature or charm, there always something about Louis which one just couldn't hate. The teachers really trusted Louis, maybe because he had been here longer than anyone else here. Or maybe it was his general aura, guess he'd never know.

Louis walked a few steps in front of him, taking small steps and looking back occasionally to see if Niall was still following. Niall had enough faith in Louis to know that he wasn't going to be murdered but walking hallways he didn't know existed made him a little anxious.

"Hey, Lou? Where are we going?"  
"Follow me."

In a matter of minutes, Louis approached what looked like a door covered in wallpaper.

"When I first came here, this door used to be accessible to students. But then they covered it up and they shifted to the other side of the building. Since there was more space there so they could build more housing accommodations. So only kids who've been here for longer know about this. The school never bothered to make the students aware of the beauty inside."

Louis gripped the slightly rusty doorknob and twisted it, the door creaking slightly before it opened up. A small cloud of dust flew in their face, causing both of them to cough slightly. 

From what Niall could make out, it was an averaged sized room, the only source of light was coming from the crack in the door. It was like something out of a horror movie, where the idiot protagonist would go looking for someone who was probably the last person who might be in there.

Niall stepped in hesitantly after Louis, who's hand kept hitting the wall hoping to find the light switch. Niall strained to see what was inside, his eyes slowly adjusting to the darkness when the light is switched on. Niall sees stars and everything in trippy colors and for a second, he contemplates whether Louis had drugged and is plaing to sell him in the black market. The colors soon fade away but the stars remain on the ceiling, unchanged. It took Niall a minute to realize that the stars are really there and not just his mind slowly losing control. 

He looked at Louis who stared proudly at the walls, sighing like a father after his son had won the championship. Niall could see the nostalgia and smell the strong stench of wanting to go back in time radiate off Louis. 

"This...is where I made my first real friend. She was gorgeous, pretty brown eyes. So dark, they were almost black. She had ebony-colored hair and a slight tan. She was also a bit chubby and out of affection I would call her baked potato."

Louis chuckles at the memory and Niall swears Louis might cry. So he chooses to look around the now brightly-lit room. The walls are painted, even the ceiling. Every square cube is covered and not a spot is left undone. The wall on the left has a beautiful flower garden filled with budding flowers painted on it. The wall in the middle has fully bloomed flowers, each prettier than other while the right wall has dead flowers painted on it, some have fallen to the ground and others are still withering. The background goes from light, cool colors like pale blue and lilac to bright warm colors like orange and red. The wall behind them has the front entrance of the school painted on it if it was seen from a distance.

"The students worked for nearly four months on this, it was to celebrate ten years of this school. I remember when they started it, planning it in such a way that it would be ready for viewing on the tenth anniversary. I joined two or three days before they began painting it. I was a helper, carrying the paint and food to the painters. Also sometimes painting bits of it. It's gorgeous, isn't it?"

Niall could only nod, astounded at the sight before him. It was so gorgeous. It looked like a panoramic picture of a beautiful garden going through different phases of its lifetime. Right before it became so breath-taking to its prime time and then the garden's eventual death, reminding one that nothing lasts forever. 

"So Nialler? are you inspired?"

Niall could only nod his head. Louis turned and closed the still-open door and opened up his phone. He played a random playlist with songs Niall had never heard about, but he had never loved anything as much. As he and Louis both took a seat on the hardwood floor, Niall glanced up right before he begun his drawing.

Everything in that moment was so perfect, Niall just wanted to take a picture. Maybe then it could have lasted forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! and sorry for any grammatical errors :)


	11. Chapter ten

**Third Person P.O.V**

The soft music floated through the room and Niall wouldn't have been shocked if he wasn't even on Earth anymore.

Never in his life had the Irish boy done drugs but he didn't need them to reach this kind of high.  
It was like floating between planets, through the solar system. The ceiling was covered with glow in the dark stars, enough to illuminate the room. Louis had blocked the windows, using spare pieces of cardboard he found in the room. And if Niall didn't know better, he would have thought that he was actually seating in a flower garden at dusk.  
Niall didn't even know what he was drawing, he just let the pencil move. It had started out as flowers and slowly extended to a human neck.   
Normally, Niall would rip the paper, then cry his heart out for being a failure in art. But in the blissed atmosphere, he couldn't bring himself to care. A lazy smile remained on his face, albeit unconsciously. Once in a while, his eyes would trail up to admire the slightly shorter blue-eyed boy.

Niall didn't know why he hadn't  noticed before, but louis was gorgeous.

His eyes shined in the dim light, his lips were rouge pink from constant being bit. His head tilted slightly as his dainty hands moved rapidly on the sketchbook. The little things about Louis made him such a beautiful being. Maybe one day, if he ever became a good artist, Niall would try to draw Louis.

Meanwhile, halfway across the campus, a certain chocolate-eyed boy was sobbing in the toilets.   
The panic attack had hit Liam out of nowhere, soon turning into an anxiety attack. It was just as scary just as it was short-lived. Liam had managed to find his way to the nearest cubicle, excusing himself from his class. When he had managed to calm himself down, the voices in his head raised their swords.   
And before he knew it, his nails were digging holes in his skin, eye-lids unable to contain the tsunami. He tried to be as soft as possible but the words were a bit too loud, too harsh.  
Stop, Liam begged to his own mind, please stop.   
—  
Louis’ painting had been coming along surprisingly well when the feeling hit him like a truck. It began in his stomach, knots tightening slowly before turning in a sharp hammering in his chest. The feeling of dread coiled around him like a snake, it wasn’t something he could shake off.   
“Hey...Nialler?”  
Niall hummed softly, not looking up from his drawing.  
“I’m going to the toilet.”  
Niall looked up, worry and concern shone through his eyes.   
“What’s up? You okay?”  
Louis tried his best to smile, he didn’t want to worry the boy over a stupid feeling in his stomach.   
“Hey... it’s nothing to worry about. I just need to use the toilet.”  
It wasn’t an amazing lie but nor was Louis a liar.   
“Okay”   
Hesitance was evident in his voice. Louis knew Niall was unsure of letting him go, even for only a while.   
Louis promised he would be back soon, rushing out before Niall changed his mind.

With every step he took closer to the toilets, the stronger the feeling in his stomach got. The feeling worsened when Louis heard soft cries from inside.   
He sighed, bracing himself for what was to come.  
The sight was truly something Louis wished he could forget. Liam sat by the toilet bowl, hands covered in blood. Tears and snot ran down his face as his eyes held an abyss of sadness.   
Louis rushed towards him, wrapping his small body around the fragile boy, as if he were made of glass.  
Liam’s nails were sharp, thus the cuts were deep enough to cover his hands with blood. Louis whispered sweet things into Liam’s ears but it was useless. Liam kept shaking his head, blabbering incoherently. He kept repeating words, begging for his demons to stop. Looking at him, Louis, himself, wanted to cry. He patted Liam’s head, his hand twitching slightly. Words couldn’t form in Louis’ head. He couldn’t think properly, the only thing which went through his head was a song he had heard a while ago. It rang through his ears and out his mouth.

Louis had no idea when he had started singing, but it had a calming effect on Liam.   
The brown-eyed boy focused on Louis’ voice, instead of those inside his head. He leaned into Louis, head resting on the tinier boy’s shoulder. Louis kept running his hand through Liam’s hair and back. Trying his best to keep his hand stable and stop it from jerking around.

As both the boys leaned against each other, for both comfort and support. Niall, who had cleverly followed Louis, stood against the cubicle door; cooing softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading! Please leave a comment and kudos if you enjoyed! It means a lot :)  
> Also sorry for any grammatical errors :p


	12. chapter 11

**Third Person P.O.V**

Niall walked towards the duo, cautiously.

Liam's weeping had minimised, Louis ran his fingers through his matted hair. Soothing words were being whispered. Louis looked at Niall's approaching figure, before gesturing him to leave. He knew very well that it was embarrassing to be found by Louis, but being seen like this by Niall too would be enough to make Liam start crying again. Louis would let him keep his dignity, at the least.

Liam's red eyes finally faced Louis, wet eyelashes clustered together. He rubbed his face gently, clearly exhausted by crying. 

"Hey, you're okay. Just breath, follow me, okay?"

Liam nodded softly, signaling that he had, in fact, heard Louis.

"Inhale...exhale...inhale...exhale. C'mon, lovely, you're doing so good." 

Louis had the first-hand experience with anxiety attacks. He knew how horrible they felt. JHD's psychiatric symptoms included anxiety and depression. 

He remembers when his teacher was shouting at him and a bunch of his schoolmates, he remembers the feeling of paranoia coiling in his stomach as she approached closer to shout at him. It felt like he was falling, and his mind was in constant doubt of whether he could catch himself or not. It was like feathers exploding in his chest, the ticklish feeling almost made him want to puke. The scolding itself wasn't as bad but Louis wanted to fling himself off the nearest building. It was in 7th grade, he thinks.

It got worse over time. Sometimes, he'd come home from school and just stare at his ceiling. The only thing which kept him company was his music. He'd space out for hours sometimes, only coming back when his sisters banged on his door to come play.  He'd wake up with stars in his vision, blinking rapidly. Sometimes, he would get the strong urge to hit his sister when she forced him to play something. He remembers kicking Austin Walter when he spread a rumor about Louis. He broke one of his teeth. His aggression and irritability inflated and deflated, earning him many lectures from his mother.

But it really got bad in 9th grade. He was fourteen with frequent depressive episodes and anxiety attacks. He stopped paying attention in his classes, to the point where he didn't even know which class he was in. His mother disregarded them as teenage antics but it only worsened. Small jerks of his hand and twitches progressed in seizure-like movements. He had a hard time with speaking, forgetting words. He would leave his lunch untouched all because he was unable to swallow, sometimes droll dripped from the corner of his mouth. That's when his mum took him to the doctor, where a few long days and painful tests later, he arrived with the news. 

Louis had juvenile huntington's disease.

\---

When Louis finally managed to help Liam to his feet, they both made their way to their dorm room. It was empty, as expected. Liam was calm by then. A bit exhausted, but wide-awake and alert. Louis sat him down on the bed. Letting him relax for a while. He would have sat down too next to Liam, alas at that very second he was reminded of his art class. 

He closed the door softly behind him, muttering an apology to Liam, his watch showcased the time. His art class had gotten over half an hour ago.

"Oh shit." Louis picked up speed, sprinting to the art room. Just as he made his way through the corridors, eventually bumping into someone.

That someone luckily happened to be Niall, who had very conveniently explained the teacher of the situation and excused both of them from the rest of their classes. 

"Hey, Lou! How's Liam now?"

"He's better Nialler and also, thanks for explaining the situation to Ms.Chamille. She would have surely killed me if it wasn't for you!"

"Speaking of Ms.Chamille, it reminds me! She told me to give this to you. It's a pass for something I didn't understand. She told me to give it to you and Liam."

Louis took the pale pink pass from Niall's hands. It was a pass to the large greenhouse, attached to the school."

Only when a teacher or a nurse would write someone a pass would they be allowed in there. It was the comfort room as they called it. The aroma of the flowers helped everyone calm down, especially after a bad day or when they needed some relaxation. Louis should have guessed that his teacher would send them both here. It was her way of rewarding Louis and to help Liam calm down and relax. 

Louis thanked Niall and sent him on his way, before making his way back to his room. Liam sat on his bed, head against the headrest. His eyes were closed as his chest rose softly, before falling back down. Louis cautiously approached him, but the sound of his moments was enough for Liam to open his eyes. Liam shot a lazy grin, his way.

"Hey, Lima. How are you?"

"I'm fine, Lou. Thank you so much for what you did. Don't know what happened to me, ya know? The feeling was so sudden. Like one second, I was completely fine and the other.. just burst out crying." 

"It happens sometimes. And don't worry, it's my duty to be your knight in shining armor." 

It managed to get a small laugh from Liam, which Louis considered a success. His eyes finally caught the sight of the passes, asking Louis about it. 

To which Louis only asked him to follow him. He walked through the mostly empty corridors, taking the shorter routes which directly opened in the greenhouse.

As Louis entered the room, Liam followed him. His mouth was opened wide (much like a goldfish) amazed at the beauty of the place. A few students roamed around, some sitting and drawing; others sat with their eyes closed. It really was lovely.

"What...is this place?"

"It's a greenhouse!"

To which he only a got weak punch on his shoulder. 

"It's a 'relaxing' area the teachers or the nurses send students if they think they deserve it. And we've earned to chill out a bit, today. don't ya think?'

Louis took Liam to his favorite place, which was flowerbed filled with yellow flowers. Daffodils, sunflowers and yellow roses, and the sun shone right above them. It was all very shiny and pretty. Almost like something one would see on Tumblr. Their school was built on the many aesthetics of the founding fathers. Louis sat down on the few cousins provided, with Liam next to him.

Louis had a lazy smile on his face, looking at Liam stare at the place in amazement was quite amusing. He let his eyes close, just sitting in the silence, as the sun's heat kept warm. 

Everything was so beautiful, even if it was temporary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Thank you so much for reading! Sory for any grammatical errors :p Please leave a comment or kudos if you liked this chapter! sorry for the super late update!


	13. chapter 12

Just as Louis and Liam relaxed in the makeshift garden, halfway across the campus Zayn and Harry had a bonding time of their own.

They both had nearly the same routine, thus choosing to stick together in almost every class, regardless how much every teacher encouraged them to talk to someone else and socialize.

Currently, Harry sat on a velvet stool, holding a kazoo striking it routinely. Zayn sat on a cushion next to him, a tambourine placed on his lap. The music teacher had left the student to make their own pairs and come up with an original tune.

They'd immediately found each other and retreated to an isolated corner at the back of the room. Both of them had initially started out with many different ideas and overflowing enthusiasm. But within the next half an hour, both began to slack off. Different combinations and various routines turned into talks about themselves. May it be their opinion on the latest star wars movie or what they feared the most in, the pair had probably at least touched upon the topic.

Although they had been sharing a dorm room for what had to be at least three weeks, they had never really interacted with each other except during classes (read: ask for pencils/pens or some notes they missed out on hearing). None of them really knew why in the dorm rooms they were either talking to the other boys or just minding their own business. And both were determined to do good academically (since it was kind of their last shot at a proper education). 

"So...have you had your first kiss yet?"

Harry popped the question out of nowhere as if it wasn't a big deal. Maybe it wasn't a huge thing for him, but Zayn was taken back by the question. Although managed to maintain his calm and casual composure. He grew up in a conservative home, the idea of having a first kiss before he turned 18 was just delusional. His parent feared he might fool around too much to pay any attention to his studies. They just didn't want him to struggle like they did.  _Not that it helped too much._

Zayn, on the other hand, was surrounded by hormonal kids grabbing any chance to fool around with both hands. Not to mention, it was one of the things he was bullied about, so to say Zayn was unsure about how to answer the question would be an understatement. He let out a short awkward laugh, hoping Harry would notice his obvious discomfort and change the topic.

Although Harry did notice Zayn's sudden change in attitude, not once did it cross his mind to change the topic. Harry had a few girlfriends before clinical depression began to harbor in his brain. He used to be a popular kid in his grade, the way through high school was carved for him. And people liked him. He was a good kid, who sometimes would lose his temper- regardless- things were great.  _Until, of course, they weren't_.

Zayn finally spoke up albeit barely above a whisper. 

"no."

Honestly, Zayn didn't know what he expected. Teasing? Laughter? Insults maybe? But Harry just looked at him with curious eyes and nodded his head. Harry, then, carried on with his story of his first kiss and how he had to stand on a brick. So to say he was relieved would be putting it lightly. 

Somewhere in between, Zayn stopped paying attention to Harry's stories. It wasn't as big of a deal as Zayn made it out to be but it was rarely that he would come across someone who wouldn't judge him. May it be looks or origin, they always had an opinion on him. Harry, with a doubt, was a beautiful boy. He could probably get away with murder, so he could tease Zayn with ease. But he didn't and it made Zayn so happy.

His happiness was apparent because now Harry was staring at him.

"Why are you smiling like that? It wasn't even that funny- not my fault she was too tall!"

Zayn just shook his head, it doesn't matter, he muttered softly. Harry pouted (which Zayn found adorable, not that he would ever admit it).

After a moment of sudden silence, Harry opened his mouth again.

"How come?"

Zayn cocked his head at the question, it seemed random and out of context. 

"What?"

"Ya know- you're like, really pretty. So how come you haven't had your first kiss. I mean, look at me, my skin is so acne-ridden and oily, it's a wonder people can look at me without puking." Harry let out a small laugh after the self-degrading comment.

"You look perfect," Zayn mumbled under his breath but Harry surely heard it.

"What?" Harry spluttered out. Unlike Zayn, he was never bullied for his looks but it didn't stop his insecurity to flare up. As his insecurities shot up so did his paranoia and the inexplicable fear of being judged.  _Thus proving to be the root of his depression_.

"You look perfect, Harry. And I mean it. Even if you don't see it"

Harry's cheeks flushed into rouge color, eyes trying to avoid Zayn's. 

"Umm...uh...umm," Harry was flustered, once upon a time, he could handle compliments very well. But it had been a long time since he had heard one and his old habits of a sassy remark and cheeky smile had long died. Zayn had a small smile on his lips, proud of his small victory.

Before he knew it, Harry was lunging himself forward. He hugged Zayn, seated on the spare cushion next to him. His grip on Zayn tightened when he felt Zayn hug him back. It was random and a rather unusual way to thank someone, but it got the message across. Harry considered himself one of the luckiest people in the world to find friends like Zayn. And Zayn's spirit lifted a little bit, knowing he had made someone happy. Just as they remained in that position, Zayn was sure he heard someone whisper.

_"damn, wish I had as wholesome friends as them."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helllloooo! guess who's back with a crappy chapter after a month of disappearing. it's ya homegirl. anyway, sorry for all them grammar mistakes, it's 2:30 am. but if someone's still reading this then thanks a looooot!


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